Serendipity Archives

In case you were not aware here are a few reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
   present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

• More Luna-seas:

1. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
2. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
3. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
4. Quicksand can work slowly.
5. Boxing rings are square
6. Guinea pigs are neither from Guinea, nor are they a pigs.
   

• And why is it that:

1. Writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
2. The plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
3. You can make amends but never just one amend?
4. You can have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
5. Teachers taught, but preachers don't praught?
6. A vegetarian eats vegetables, but a humanitarian doesn't eat...

In what other language:

1. Do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
2. Can you ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
3. Does one have noses that run and feet that smell?
4. Can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
5. Do houses burn up as they burn down?
6. Do you fill in a form by filling it out?
7. Do alarms go off by going on?
   

   English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why:

8. when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
9. you first chop a tree down, and then you chop it up.
10. you shut down your computer by hitting the start button.

    Mom and Dad used to encourage us to be inquisitive, but when we asked questions like these, all we got was a look on their faces like deer caught in headlights! 
    

11. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
12. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
13. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
14. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
15. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
16. Why is a boxing ring square?
17. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
18. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
19. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
20. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
21. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
22. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
23. Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
24. Why does a woman have a pair of panties but only one bra?
25. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
26. Why is there a front door lock on the 7-11?
27. Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
28. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
29. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
30. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you
    can't drink and drive?
    

This serendipity was excerpted from a work in progress.

When chewing gum was created, it cost more to package it than to make it.  Conventional wisdom dictated cutting aluminum foil very, very thin and then wrapping the gum in it to keep it fresh.  The cutting blades dulled easily and the precision required to cut metal so thin made the project excessively expensive.
 
A nationwide contest was evolved and a prize offered to anyone who could invent a blade that would be up to the task.  The ultimate winner couldn’t find a way to develop a cutting blade with the necessary precision either, so he glued the foil to wax paper and the combined thickness of the paper and the tin made it economically feasible to cut.

Think outside the box!

Exam question at the University of Copenhagen:
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. As a result of further prodding, the student replied:

"Firstly... you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula: Height = 0.5 times gravity times time squared.

Or... if the sun is shining, you could measure the height of the barometer and then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow. Thereafter it is a simple matter of proportions to work out the height of the skyscraper.

But... if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum; first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force: T=2 pi times the square root of (1/g).

Or... if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, and then add them up.

If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him, 'if you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper.'"

Give a person a project and then:

1) Do it yourself

2) Give it to someone else at the same time

3) Take it back before the person has had a chance to finish it

4) Hover until the project is completed

5) Tell the person how to do the project before he/she asks for help.

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew pictures. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's art work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The little girl replied: "I'm drawing God."

The teacher replied that "no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, the girl replied: "They will in a minute."

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on their bottoms."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the ten commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy Father and they Mother," she asked if there was a commandment that talks about how to treat brothers and sisters.

One little boy (the oldest in his family) quickly answered: "Thou shalt not kill!"

The little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She asked her mother inquisitively why some of her hairs were white.

The mother, attempting to seize the opportunity, said: "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and asked, "Mom. How come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?"

An overly honest seven-year-old calmly announced to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.

"How did that happen?" gasped her Mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady. "I had to have three of the girls help me catch him and hold him down."

The children had been photographed and and the teacher was trying to persuade them to each buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it would be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'there's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael. He's a doctor."

A small voice in the back of the room rang out, "...and there's teacher... she's DEAD!"

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood in the body. "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood would run into it and I would turn red in the face, wouldn't I." "Yes," the class dutifully replied.

"Well then, why is it that while I'm standing upright on my feet, the blood doesn't run into my feet.?" Only one little fellow hazarded a guess. "Because your feet ain't empty?"

THE TRUTH IS JUST THE OPPOSITE....

What you get for your $160,140 is:

Naming rights. First, middle and last.
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.

You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to keep reading the adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies and wishing on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there's no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front-row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications and human sexuality no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever and love them without limits,
so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people,
with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like this: